2.07.2013

Saying goodbye is never easy

I write this as I prepare to head back to my hometown to say goodbye to my grandfather. I got the call he was in his last few days yesterday. I have always been incredibly lucky that all of my grandparents lived within 20 minutes of me, in fact one lived on the same road as me.

 My grandfather wasn't the normal grandpa, he was mean often to the entire family. As he aged I learned to deal with it and accept him for who he is. As an adult I've tried to focus on the positive instead of the negative. 

My grandfather gave me a love of big band music. I always remember that when he was in a good mood he would play a record or cassette tape (we finally got him on CD's in 2007) with Duke Ellington, Perry Como or Louis Armstrong (my personal favorite). He had an absolute obsession with Sonata in B, I had originally planned on playing it at my wedding as a surprise for him. Now most likely it will be played in honor of him. 

He was an avoid garage sale person, my mother and I very much inherited this love. When I was a child I was a book freak and read 3 a day. At garage sales he would buy me Little House on the Prairie books and always boast about how much of a deal he got on them. I knew even though sometimes he was mean, he meant well. 

It's funny and sad. The hurt that you thought you wouldn't forget or be able to get past is suddenly irrelevant when you receive news like this. Suddenly it didn't matter how he treated us, it mattered that I see him one more time and tell him I love him. I just want to hold his frail hand and tell him I love him. Tell him that I haven't and won't forget how he cared about my photography, how he bought books at garage sales for me to read and how he taught me to appreciate big band. I just want him to know he is loved. 

I've known we were close to the end for a while but finally it's setting in and the tears have come. My teachers understood and excused me, I will have scheduled blogs next week. I will update you and let you know what happens after next weeks series. I am excited about the Valentine's Day series and the giveaway that's taking place.

As I close this the lyrics of Louis Armstrong's "It's a Wonderful World" come to mind, it's the last song my grandpa and I listened together before I moved to college. 

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I see trees of green........ red roses too 
I see em bloom..... for me and for you 
And I think to myself.... what a wonderful world. 

I see skies of blue..... clouds of white 
Bright blessed days....dark sacred nights 
And I think to myself .....what a wonderful world. 

The colors of a rainbow.....so pretty ..in the sky 
Are also on the faces.....of people ..going by 
I see friends shaking hands.....sayin.. how do you do 
They're really sayin......i love you. 

I hear babies cry...... I watch them grow 
They'll learn much more.....than I'll never know 
And I think to myself .....what a wonderful world 

The colors of a rainbow.....so pretty ..in the sky 
Are there on the faces.....of people ..going by 
I see friends shaking hands.....sayin.. how do you do 
They're really sayin...*spoken*(I ....love....you). 

I hear babies cry...... I watch them grow 
*spoken*(you know their gonna learn 
A whole lot more than I'll never know) 
And I think to myself .....what a wonderful world 
Yes I think to myself .......what a wonderful world

7 comments:

  1. I know how tough it can be to say goodbye to a grandparent. At least you will get to see him and tell him you love him. Letting someone go is tough, but always easier when you've got lots of family and loved ones there to support you.

    Chic on the Cheap

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  2. So sorry for your loss, he sounds like he was a wonderful man. Keep your head up. Thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at this time. xoxo


    www.McKennaBleu.blogspot.com

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  3. just came across your blog - and i'm SO sorry about your loss! it's NEVER easy saying goodbye to someone so important in your life. sending you support! keep your head up!

    xo,Taylor
    iLikeMyClothesTaylored.blogspot.com

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  4. Be strong Alissa. I know it is hard to lose people you love, but I am glad you have good memories of your grandfather.

    Your friend,

    Brandy
    willbakeforshoes.com

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  5. No matter how much you expect it or prepare for it, when it happens, you still feel like your world has been turned upside down. I'm so sorry. Stay strong and just know that no matter what, he'll always be with you.

    xo, Yi-chia
    Always Maylee

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  6. This is a really touching post, Alissa...I'm so sorry you have to say goodbye. I hope that the last moments you get to spend with your grandpa are special. And I really admire how you are able to look past all the negative and love your grandpa for who he is.
    ~Jessica

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