4.04.2014

Doing More

I don't normally post on Friday but this is special. I've had this post in my drafts for over a month now. I've shown to to friends and found out that they are also struggling. This isn't just for me, it's for everyone who is struggling with this feeling of doing more. 
Right now I am in the season of feeling like I should be doing more. For the past year or so I have just felt like I needed to be doing more. My type A personality makes me feel like no matter what I am doing, I could be doing more or something else at the same time. 

 I feel like I should be applying to every job in Kansas City every night. I should be hustling the blog more and be such a big blogger that I'm getting featured. I should just be doing more than being a college student who blogs, works, takes classes and has anxiety about the next season of her life. I should be having a fabulously decorated apartment curated with 10 gallery walls and be featured on Apartment Therapy for being so innovating and so not Midwest. I feel like there are so many people who are younger than me and have done so much more with their lives. Every time I see a commercial with this amazing young woman who is 19 or 21 years old I feel a slight *thud* inside of myself because I feel like I'm not doing enough. "If that girl is 19 and already is in a commercial, what a waste my life is."- in essence what I am thinking. I know this can boil down to our basic human need to feel like we matter but to me this is more than that. I know that one should never, ever base how successful their life is compared to someone else's but all we know that we do a little bit. 
The closer I get to graduation the more I realize that I'm about to start on this whole new adventure called real life. Sure, I've heard it's going to suck and cost a lot of money but I've also heard and seen that it can be the most amazing thing. I want to make my new adventure of real life rock. I know not every day will be so amazing that Time magazine will want to feature it. However, I just don't want to live day to day and kind of watch things happen. I'm afraid that somehow in the midst of starting my real life adventure that I'm going to somehow miss an even grader adventure which is right in front of me but I can't see. I just know that in whatever I am doing right now I'm not satisfied and I feel like I could be doing more. 

I know that most people go through this, in fact I believe it could called "20 something angst" but I think it transcends that. I think it's what can motivate me to go beyond what is expected of me. I think it can be fuel for a passion I have for something. The problem is, I'm in the season of not exactly knowing what that passion is. I write all of this because in a year I want to look back and remember how I feel as I type this and realize how far I've come from that moment or realize that I still feel the same and am searching for that passion. So tell me, have you gone through this season? What did you do? 

24 comments:

  1. OMG. Girl. Tell me about it. I'm sure we've ALL gone through those nagging little doubts in our heads. I hate admitting that I've felt like I've failed before I even began. Fortunately, I know now what my passion is. But it took me a while to figure it out. You WILL find your passion. The funny thing is that you'll probably get to it when you least expect it. That's sort of what happened to me :)

    Just remember this quote: "I'm not where I need to be, but thank God I'm not where I used to be. I'm doing okay and I'm on my way!" It helps me when I feel like I'm not getting anywhere....because I am! We all are. We're all growing and learning every day. Just try to look back and think about how far you've come.

    And about those 19 year olds in commercials...we don't know the troubles that they may have. They're getting paid to pretend to be successful :)

    xo Azu

    www.raven-locks.blogspot.com

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  2. I went through this in a big way. But you know what it passes. You might still have the drive to do more ore be better, but that angst and that feeling of fighting back tears just goes away. When I heard people tell me that it will pass, I didn't really believe them, but it did. Just remember that we all have our own paths and none are better than others. You might feel like you aren't doing enough, but someone might be reading this blog and be thinking, wow I can't believe she has a job, studies AND blogs!

    I hope that helps :)

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  3. Yes! I have been through this and in a way it never really stops as you grow older society will have other expectations from you. I was sooo anxious towards the end of college But guess what? We all have our own path and you have to try your best but in the end you can't keep comparing yourself to other people. All that matters is that you are making progress at your OWN pace. When I look back a few years ago, I have grown a lot and I learned to be content and appreciative of all my blessings. So girl this is totally normal but this too shall pass. Just by reading your blog daily I can see that you are on the right path. xoxo

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  4. Girl, I'm still feeling it at 26! Although, I feel different pressures to be doing more, like getting married, buying a house and having a baby. But I realize I need to do all of that on my own time. I'm working on slowing down and enjoying the moment I'm in now as well. It's so important. I don't want to miss all of the little things.

    See you tonight! YAY!

    26 and Not Counting

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  5. This is so natural! I'm 23 and I thoughI had everything planned out. I worked super hard graduated early with great grades did my best at every internship (and I had a million of them). Then I graduated and nothing.... no job for almost a year. None of my internships wanted to offer me a job, they just wanted me to keep interning. I saw others making it in the world and just became so hard on myself. And guess what! I still am? But I now use it to fuel my passion. I use it as encouragement and drive to know that I never should be comfortable with anything less than my dreams and goals. Honey the twenty somethings never get easier but you make it work! You're fabulous and you WILL do great things. :)

    xo,
    http://www.chachathefashiongenius.com/

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  6. Those quotes are amazingly encouraging. Thanks for writing about this! I think sometimes this season lasts longer than you expect it to, but it's all part of the adventure.

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  7. Yes, I have been there, and trust me it does get easier. I don't know exactly when it happened, maybe when I recently turned 29, but I have this feeling of peace about where I am. That doesn't mean that I don't struggle with comparing myself to others still occasionally but I have more confidence about where I am and where I am going. I think a lot of it has come from getting to know myself better and discovering more of what inspires me/what my goals are. The best advice I could offer would to be to focus as much as you can on what makes you happy, what inspires you, and what your passions are. Block out the noise and focus on you!

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  8. I think everyone feels this–and it never really goes away in some regard. Are the things I worried about as a senior in college the same things I'm worrying about now? Some yes, some know. Our worries and our pressures evolve, but they're always there. The GOOD thing is, like you said, they can motivate you to do really amazing things. Never compare yourself or your "progress" to others, as hard as that may seem–everyone is on their own journey!

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  9. Oh Alissa! I'm a decade older than you and I still have that feeling of wanting to accomplish more. I am happy with the career I chose, but I'm still not at my "dream job." But that's okay. I'd say don't put so much pressure on yourself...you still have plenty of time to figure things out.

    -Sharon
    The Tiny Heart
    Cookbook Giveaway!

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  10. I know EXACTLY where you're coming from! I'm 26 and still feel like I'm having a quarter-life crisis and not knowing what I want to do or where I want to be. I don't think I had a vision for where I wanted to be by this point, but I know this isn't necessarily it! The key is to just look on the bright side of things, take pleasure in what makes you happy, and try not to stress so much! Right?? Right!

    xo The Curly Casualista

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  11. welcome to my world. at 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, and heading into 25, i always feel like i'm failing at this big game because i'm not bigger, better, stronger, faster, more amazing than ever. it's rough. and it's what happens when you're an ambitious bright person that spends a lot of time noticing the world around you. i think it's a compliment to your ambition and your observance of what it takes to be successful. it won't necessarily be featured in a magazine, but you'll be big one day. whatever that ends up meaning to you. :) <3
    ladies in navy

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  12. I can relate so much to this, I'm 22 and i feel like I grew up so so quick (totally in my control, it was what I chose to do!) but my biggest advice is when things happen in your life don't wish any day away try so hard to live in the moment. Don't worry about the past or future try living right here and right now. It's hard to do when we all have issues or things that happen in our lives whether it's bills, health concerns, family issues but just try and enjoy the here and now. I find myself making myself focus on whats happening right this second and you feel more at peace. Taking deep breaths helps and also finding little things you're grateful for helps to.
    http://everythingsalwayssunny.com
    Kristin xx

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  13. I don't have any idea what I'm doing. I'm applying for office assistant jobs (what I've done for 10 years) and not getting them.
    I want to grow my blog, I want it to be a steady source of income, but I have no idea what to do differently than what I'm doing now.
    I'm still terribly afraid to take risks and put myself out there. I look at those crazy successful 19 years olds and wonder if I would even want that kind of life. I don't crave busyness the way some people do, I've never been able to go-go-go.
    For years I had a job and a blog and I was able to do both. Now I have a relationship and a blog and that is fine too. But I'm already worried that when I get another job I will never be able to manage all three things.
    Yet I know there are people who do that and much, much more. I find it unfathomable. I hope you eventually find that things fall into place, though somehow I doubt the feelings that you could be doing more will ever go away.
    Chic on the Cheap

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  14. I feeling like you many times. I need to be more productive, but I have two children that need all my attention, so I think is the most important on this moment. To see growing up my babes healthy and happy. Kisses, have a nice weekend.
    Martha Zuniga
    www.dreamsandcoffeemoda.blogspot.com

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  15. I just turned 30 and in my opinion this season never ends. I still haven't found my true passions. I know what they are but I definitely don't do them for a job and probably won't ever, but my job pays the bills and I do my passions for fun. I don't let me job control or define me, and I live life, like really live, outside of it. I definitely envy those people who can do what they love for a living.

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  16. YES YES YES YES!! Thank you, Alissa for writing this and putting this out there! I constantly feel like I should be doing more! At times I feel guilty when I'm at home watching Netflix when I should be doing more for my blog, or writing, or whatever, so it's actually nice to know that others feel the same way too! :)
    ~Sara

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  17. *hugs* I think a lot of us are familiar with this feeling, but we also mostly feel isolated by it. So it's great that you're talking about this!

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  18. Alissa.. you have come A LONG WAY BABY!!! I have watched you mature these last 4 years, and you have changed from fledgling to a stunning and successful young woman. I had the same feelings in my early twenties... but trust me, you have all the components to make a success out of yourself... and you have plenty of time to do it. Your blog is impressive, and from the comments it appears that you have a following of other young women wanting to move forward... so march on.. in wonderful high heels!

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  19. Honestly, I've been graduated for a year now and I still have no idea what I'm doing with my life. I've taken 2 jobs for the sake of money since grad and been thoroughly miserable that I finally quit my job and decided to actually try and pursue what I love - my writing. So I focus full time on my blog and my novels, which one day will hopefully be published. Until then my fiance pays the bills for me... Haha Sometimes, you just have to take a leap of faith, in yourself. It's the hardest one to have because fear of not being good enough, fear of disappointing, fear of failure... These things want to hold us back but we just need to learn to brush ourselves off and try again.

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  20. Honestly.. I'm to the point where I just want to be happy. I have goals, sure, but I don't want to spend my life pursuing goals and not enjoying life.

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  21. I totally know how you feel. Only I am 27 instead of 22 and still feel this way. I have no idea what I want to do and have no idea where I am going. I ALWAYS feel like I should be doing more, and constantly feel like a big, fat stinking failure. I look at people who are younger than me that have done so much more and feel terrible!! And it is so hard to find someone to talk to about all of it. I have been going through this so much the past couple of years- Just feeling totally lost. Ugh. You totally hit the nail on the head with this post.

    Nikki
    thefashionablewife.com

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  22. Love this post. I think so many of us feel this way but no one wants to talk about it. It took me 2 years after graduation to figure out that I wanted to be an occupational therapist, and it's the best thing I ever did. However, now that I'm in my first job, I feel like I'm terrible at it. I know I'm not, but I feel like I should be doing more to help the kids, putting more programs in place, collaborating more with parents, understanding more of the neurological aspects of autism- you name it, I feel like I should be better at it/doing more of it. It makes me feel to better to read other people who are having those feelings and putting a more positive spin on it. I definitely want to use these feelings to motivate myself to take more courses and be proactive about improving my job skills... I have no doubt you'll have tons of success after graduation even if it takes some time. That post-college time is tough for most people, but you should definitely take the time to find something you love. As much as I still suffer from some feelings of inadequacy, I also know I'm in the right field and can go far if I take the right steps. Good luck with these upcoming changes, and thanks for sharing! We all need to hear that we're not alone out there!

    Kaitlin
    www.teaandsequins.com

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  23. I'm 31, and I still feel this! I always feel tired and overwhelmed, but I feel like I should constantly be doing more. I think it comes from comparing myself to other bloggers. You are doing so much right now and should feel proud of yourself for going to college on top of having a fabulous blog! That is a lot, and I couldn't have handled a blog while going to college. Hang in there and give yourself a pat on the back for what you are doing:)

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  24. Alissa, I recently discovered your blog and I LOVE it! I'm on the verge of graduating as well, so I can totally relate to feeling like I'm just not doing enough. And yet, at the same time, I feel like I'm super busy all the time! I have a really bad habit of comparing myself to others, so I try to recognize that and banish those thoughts as soon as they come. With graduation just a little over a month away, I'm trying to just take things one day at a time and focus on smaller, achievable goals. Like not failing my classes, for example ;P

    I love that you embrace your curly hair (which is gorgeous, btw), and I really appreciate your honesty. It's very refreshing, and something I'd like to see more of in the blogging world. Keep doing what you're doing!

    Maria
    adifferentfashionmm.blogspot.com

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Thanks for leaving me some love! I love hearing from you all and read every single comment.