Have you ever wondered what life without internet and cable would be like? I am here to tell you what it is like. You go through stages. You go through denial. You say that you can do it. Then you realize that you can’t download documents on your computer. You can’t send lengthy emails because auto-correct changes every other word. You try and adapt to it by going to Starbucks at 7:00 am. You change the Starbucks locations so the baristas don’t think you are a loser. You realize you are spending $10 a day on WiFi by buying coffee. You realize that your friend in Madagascar has constant internet and you, in Kansas City, IN THE UNITED STATES, does not have it. You call AT&T. You plead. You try to explain that you moved and are having a very stressful week and just need internet and your trash TV. They inform you they will help you…………in seven days. Like, a week later.
Four days in. You just accept it. You realize that Project Runway is going to go on without you. Your trash TV will keep on being trashy and you don’t really matter. You look at your inbox and realize your iPhone method of replying to them is stupid. You sit in a dark room. You ponder what life is about. You bake. You then wonder what Laura Ingalls Wilder would do if she was alive in 2014. Days five and six, you go to Nordstrom for wifi. You buy a cupcake and then check in with the world for three hours. You start texting you sisters for updates on the news. You wonder when you are going to hit your data limit on your cellphone. You give up catching on Twitter. Facebook? Give it up. All that’s happening are ice bucket challenges.
When actual internet and cable are restored…. you literally run through your new apartment dancing and trying to figure out what internet thing you are going to check first. Then you stay up late reading alllll the internet that you can.