Breathe in Chaos, Breathe Out Beyonce – A Day of My Thoughts

None of you have ever asked for a day of my thoughts, or even half of my thoughts, but one day I decided to try and document eight hours of my thoughts. I have to admit that some of my thoughts are never going on the blog, but let’s be real, I’ll do something worse and more embarrassing in like a week and I’ll blog about that. 


First thought of the day: “Oh look, another morning that I meant to go to the 6:10 am workout class but didn’t because I don’t want to be that monster who puts others to shame so early in the day.”


6:20 am – “Why are runners so judgy? They are seriously the most judgy people that I have ever met. Maybe just accept that running isn’t my thing? Why can’t they just eat their kale pizza and leave me alone?”

6:30 am – I have to do this thing where I give myself five minutes to mentally prepare to leave my bed. Not because I am dreading waking up, but it’s like a zen moment for me where I know that I can just do nothing for a short while and then I hit the ground running. Mentally prepare. 

7:35 am – Leave for work, my commute is approximately 6 minutes from door to door since I moved into my own place. Previously it was 25 minutes and I burned through so many podcasts making that drive every day. Now I barely have time to listen to a song. I kind of miss it. (Mom, I know you are reading this, no, I’m not moving home)


7:44 am – “My God Alissa. You’ve got to start doing more cardio. You are out of breath just doing these stairs and the walk across the street in your heels. Get it together.”

8:15 am –  The world’s loudest coffee machine starts. The thinnest wall separates me from a machine that sounds like it is getting ready to take off for space for just one cup of coffee. I hear it so much and clearly that I know exactly who is getting coffee by their footsteps and if I can hear a spoon clink as they stir in creamer. 

8:19 am – Check Instagram. Remember the good old days of yore when you actually got to see things in a timely manner. “You want to know a good way to ruin an app? Have Facebook take it over and have it try and tell you what you want to see.” 

9 am – Original plan for the day has been disregarded, already thriving on mass chaos and have resorted to finding my favorite sharpie and notepad to re-structure my day. As my coworker says, “Breathe in the chaos, breathe out Beyonce.” This is fine. This is fine. This is fine.

9:01 am – I panic as I realize I am one minute late to a call. Turns out I was the first one on the call. I have an irrational fear of being late to calls even though in a group of 10 people at least one person is late. My goal is never to never be that person. 

10:05 am – “Is it socially acceptable to think about lunch now?”

Skort: EXACT
Top: Similar
Earrings: Exact
Shoes: Exact
Lipstick: Exact

10:07 am – “What makes breakfast food, breakfast food? Having an egg on it? Somehow a t-bone steak is okay for breakfast but like a cookie that has oatmeal isn’t. It is my American right to eat whatever I want for breakfast. ‘MURICA” 

10:59 am – “Yessss! It’s one minute away from being socially acceptable to talk about lunch.” 

11:01 am – *Meeting invite arrives for meeting from 12:00 – 1 pm* “This is fine. This is very fine. I can summon the inner strength to make it through this character test. Some people have diseases, strife and other tests and trails, mine is a lunchtime meeting. We are all at different places in life.”

Skort: EXACT
Top: Similar
Earrings: Exact
Shoes: Exact
Lipstick: Exact

1:09 pm – “WHO MAKES COFFEE AT 1 PM DURING THE SUMMER?” Considering putting a sign up that says, “For the consideration of everyone, coffee consumption is cut off at 12 pm while some of us work, please plan accordingly for your fix.” 


1:11 pm – I make strong eye contact with said coffee monster. He knows what he did. 


2:10 pm – “How do I tell someone that I really don’t know how I feel about the whole “If a tree falls in the woods thing? I feel like that’s something I should have a stance on. I even have opinions on socks.”


2:21 pm – “All these instagram stories are doing is making me realize that no one makes their bed and you all are savages.” Closes Instagram. 


2:26 pm – Opens Instagram, sees photo from 6 hours ago. Gets ragey. “I swear to God Instagram is making me hate it.” 


3:00 pm – Internal freakout over something going wrong, “Breathe in the chaos, breathe out the Beyonce.” 


3:15 pm – “Thick thighs save lives –  and are a great lap for holding babies and bowls of cookies. So I am clearly the winner here.” 


3:21 pm “I am literally on a call to plan for a call that is going to be for a meeting. This is it. This is how it ends.”