The Adored Life http://www.theadoredlife.com A blog for those who like polka dots, Drake lyrics and love themselves just as they are Mon, 25 Sep 2017 05:00:38 +0000 en-US hourly 1 118177416 Doubt Your Doubt, Not Yourself http://www.theadoredlife.com/doubt-your-doubt-not-yourself/ http://www.theadoredlife.com/doubt-your-doubt-not-yourself/#comments Mon, 25 Sep 2017 05:00:38 +0000 http://www.theadoredlife.com/?p=5707 Have you noticed that I’ve talked about confidence a little more than usual lately? Truthfully, it’s been because I had a weird summer, well, 2017, relationship with confidence. It’s funny, I actually started noticing a distinct difference in confidence levels at work and personally. It started last year when I was very self-aware of my […]

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Have you noticed that I’ve talked about confidence a little more than usual lately? Truthfully, it’s been because I had a weird summer, well, 2017, relationship with confidence. It’s funny, I actually started noticing a distinct difference in confidence levels at work and personally. It started last year when I was very self-aware of my ahem, new curves that I suddenly felt like I could rock. Personally I struggled with the weirdness of having a very different body, yet completely loving it and owning who I am. Professionally, I felt like I was starting to hit my stride and was comfortable with where I was for the most part. But then we had an integration and my role changed and well, I was pushed and I wasn’t super comfortable with it because it was change.

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Fast forward a little bit and once again, life got weird. I felt a little lost earlier this year. Honestly it started with my 26th birthday because I was terrified that nothing could top what a great year 25 was. I felt like I needed to find who I was again but I wasn’t sure how to even start that. Plus, how freaking often does one have to find who they are? WILL THERE BE ANY AGE THAT YOU’RE LIKE YEP THIS IS ME, I’M DONE! I digress, you get the idea.

My job has always been great, but this weird self-doubt decided to set-in. Even little things that I knew how to do I doubted myself. And what happened? Things didn’t go as well as they could have and I got more mad that a) I didn’t go with my gut and b) I was letting doubt win. It’s a terrible self-fulfilling prophecy cycle. What’s worse is that this was all internalized stuff. I wasn’t being told I wasn’t doing a good job. I doubted myself which then made me mad I did that, then if something went wrong, I got extra hard with myself. Again and again. I should have stopped and doubt my doubt, not myself.

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Jumper: C/O ModCloth (wearing a large)/ Top: Exact (wearing a medium)/ Lipstick: Exact/ Bag: This year’s version/Shoes: Similar, Similar and may have to buy!

But I hadn’t read the quote “doubt your doubt, not yourself” which of course, totally hit me like a ton of bricks. The timing was perfect as I was in the middle of a classic beat-down cycle with myself. I read it and it caused me to pause and think, “Why do I instantly assume I am not enough, doing enough or am doing it wrong?” Nothing was indicating anything WAS wrong but I was still plagued with doubt that was completely self-imposed. We are always the hardest on ourselves and focus on things that no one even notices!

Doubt your doubt, not yourself - my story on gaining confidence | theadoredlife.com

 

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Jumper: C/O ModCloth (wearing a large)/ Top: Exact (wearing a medium)/ Lipstick: Exact/ Bag: This year’s version/Shoes: Similar, Similar and may have to buy!

It’s not an overnight fix, but thanks to my therapist, I’ve been able to put that oh so important little step between feeling doubt and blaming myself. The moment hat I start feeling doubt, I question where it’s coming from. Is it coming from something someone is saying? Is it based on past experience? Are you feeling more sensitive to any feedback lately? Most importantly, is this something you are telling yourself? Am I doubting my doubt or am I listening to it?

Since asking myself these questions, I’ve noticed some things. I’ve noticed I’ve gained confidence, true confidence (couple with the tips I shared here) and handled things differently. I might have some doubt, but I’m much more in tune with WHY I am doubtful. It’s always something I will work on, but I’m finally able to say I’m doubting my doubt more than myself.

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What I’ve Learned in 5 Year of Blogging http://www.theadoredlife.com/ive-learned-5-year-blogging/ http://www.theadoredlife.com/ive-learned-5-year-blogging/#comments Thu, 21 Sep 2017 05:00:46 +0000 http://www.theadoredlife.com/?p=5657 Dress: Exact (wearing a size 10)/Shoes: Similar, Similar / Earrings: Similar, Similar Maybe I Shouldn’t Have Been as Open, but I’m Glad I Was Honestly, had I known then what I know now, I would probably be more guarded. I’d share a little less about my college relationship and I’d maybe wait to share so […]

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Dress: Exact (wearing a size 10)/Shoes: Similar, Similar / Earrings: Similar, Similar

Maybe I Shouldn’t Have Been as Open, but I’m Glad I Was

Honestly, had I known then what I know now, I would probably be more guarded. I’d share a little less about my college relationship and I’d maybe wait to share so much personal stuff until after I was done. However, those are the posts that I look back on the most. The ones that anchor me in my writing and remind why I want to blog. It’s never fun to say you were wrong or something didn’t work out. But it’s also not accepting that there is always some good in everything. I didn’t look back at my archive for about 1.5 years due to it being too painful. Did I want to delete the past? Pretty much. But I also know and knew then, you cannot have growth while being comfortable.

Plus I was a little naive about how many people were going to read my blog. Probs could have like, not freaking shared that I basically flunked math and my letter to myself about college. Oh well. I think that I wouldn’t have what I have now if I understood this was going to be a long-term thing.

Do Not Blog For Anyone But Yourself

There is no point in blogging for anyone but yourself. As much as I love the community, the love and support, this is for me. This blog started as a way for me to be able to look back om during times and remember if I could get through that, I can get through anything. No one is forcing anyone to blog, don’t act like it’s a job. No one is going to be upset if you don’t have a post up 3x a week. This is all self-imposed. Give yourself a break. Don’t tweet out that you have a post going live in 10 minutes, you will only realize how no one is waiting around for that and put out the content  you want to see in the world.

Numbers in No Way Define You

Your size does not define you. Your readership does not define you. Your Instagram following does not define you. Sure, it’d be great to have like 10x the following, but what am I going to do with that? I would feel 10x the pressure to spend more money, force my friends to document everything I do and be exposed to trolls. I’ve realized how much numbers creep into our lives everyday. At the end of the day, what does that get us? (If you are someone who has that genuine large following, congrats! You are awesome and I am genuinely happy for you!)

On a more personal note of numbers, I have talked a lot about body image over the years. College weight gain and weight loss, thick thighs and exercise. Oh and the importance of size representation.

Friendships Come from the most Random Places

Example: My friend Jennifer owned a small business and we met up to talk about a collab for the blog.

Then we emailed. Throughout college. Like, over 100 emails back and forth daily. We broke Gmail’s formatting sometimes due to our back and forth. We then threw a blogger brunch – which ended up on a troll site which was GREAT! We worked on her jewelry brand from website launch to pop-up shows. I graduated college and she had her first child. Still emailing, texting and doing hangouts all day long. The day is completely off if we don’t chat.

All because of blogging.

Blogging Made me a Feminist

Blogging has taught me to cheer, support and scream from the rooftops for other women! I would have done that anyway, but blogging adding in such a different layer for me.  I want people to succeed. I want them to talk about issues that are important to them. The community I have from other women has emboldened me to talk about so many things. We need each other. I am so down for the voice that has risen from blogging and the ways we are going to continue to fight for what’s right.

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Proudest Moments

It’s hard to figure out exactly what were my best moments. There’s about 15 different categories I want to go through, but that seemed excessive even for me. Here are some of the moments that have stood out to me.

  • One of the proudest moments I’ve  ever had in blogging was when I put up this post and my dad said he was proud of me and knew it wasn’t easy. I really didn’t think my dad even knew my blog’s name. I still tear up thinking about reading that text.
  • My sister’s kids watching my TV interview about my blog and thinking I was cool. I’m never too old to want the approval of my nieces and nephews, no matter how young they are.
  • The collaborations I’ve gotten. Old Navy is a favorite, but recently ModCloth has been so freaking fun to work with!
  • That time I was just freaking tired of PR people trying to get me to do free stuff for them. This was and still is one of my biggest pet peeves about blogging. You are seriously getting paid to reach out to me and tell me that you’d like free advertisement for consideration of sharing on social media? Nope. Nope. Nope. BYE.
  • The community I feel with people across the world. I really cannot say enough about this. You are amazing.

If you can’t tell, I’m a little sentimental right now, so I need to wrap this up before I cry more. But it’s been so good guys. And I can’t wait to keep seeing how good it’s going to get.

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How The Instagram Community Helped Me With My Anxiety http://www.theadoredlife.com/anxiety-tips/ http://www.theadoredlife.com/anxiety-tips/#comments Mon, 18 Sep 2017 05:00:58 +0000 http://www.theadoredlife.com/?p=5641 Last Friday I had my first panic attack in years. The last one I had was back during a math test (You can see here what a struggle math was for me) in college. Basically the week had been the absolute perfect storm leading up to 4 pm Friday afternoon. I had it at my […]

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Last Friday I had my first panic attack in years. The last one I had was back during a math test (You can see here what a struggle math was for me) in college. Basically the week had been the absolute perfect storm leading up to 4 pm Friday afternoon. I had it at my desk and couldn’t get out of work fast enough. I went to bed at my normal time on Friday night and then woke up at 3 am on Saturday. 3 am. What does one do when they are up literally because they are so worried about stuff? You edit photos, listen to insomnia podcasts, plan your weekend, walk around trying to exhaust yourself and so on. It was terrible. Oh and you get even more mad about how Instagram shows you photos from like six days ago. I think I managed to like every single photo that was posted last week though. So much refreshing. My thumb was tired from liking things.

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On Saturday morning I asked you for your tips on recovering from a panic attack. Totally not understanding how AWESOME you are, I hoped for like two tips. Little did I know. I came back to my phone 30 minutes later and literally had 15 messages. By the end of the day, I had gotten over 50 messages of love and support. Most of you also included the ways that help you rid yourself of anxiety.

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So much for social media being the worst. Being on Instagram actually is the reason I was able to function during the weekend! The great thing is that I was able to leave it for a couple hours, check back in, get even more encouragement and carry on with my day. Oh yeah! And you guys gave me the best encouragement and also your phone numbers. Seriously, isn’t it insane that we can have such a community that people hear you are having a hard time and send you their number for support?

Dress: EXACT on sale for $20! (wearing a medium)/Shoes: Similar, Similar/ Necklace: Similar in Statement Version, Similar, Similar in Silver

I asked a lot of you if I could share your anxiety tips and thankfully you all said YES! OF course, the first thing I want to say is that there is NO shame in getting help. One of the best things I’ve done in 2017 has been to get into therapy. I am such an advocate that EVERYONE can benefit from this, even if you don’t feel like anything is wrong. Sometimes you just need to talk to a non-biased person who can help you get where you want to go. I’ve got more to say about how therapy and counseling has been beneficial for me, but that’s for another post. Today we’re here to talk about what you all have shared about what helps your anxiety.

Your Anxiety Tips

  • Scent can really transport you and calm your worries. At first I thought this was a little too hippie. Yet here I am. I got this, but a lot of people swear by lavender. I’m actually going to travel with this work my work trips and slip it into my carry-on.
  • Meditation – truthfully this doesn’t work well for me as when I am alone with myself I tend to be hyper-critical but a lot of you told me you use an app to guide your meditations that help calm you.
  • Turning off social media. Obviously this is counter-intuitive to this whole post, but even if you can for a few hours, take a break from the distractions.
  • Podcasts – you know me, I love podcasts regardless, but the noise is a great distraction even if it’s just on in the background.
  • Go for a walk – this one I heard a lot. The weather in Kansas is GORGEOUS right now so being outside really did help me.
  • Turn off your electronics – read a book and soak up the silence as much as you can.

Anxiety Tips for the Type A

I’m a planner – not shocking. But anxiety has a way of paralyzing me so I’ve had to find little ways to feel in-control when really I feel like I am spiraling downward.

  • Tess shared this with me and I LOVE it! Pick one thing that you CAN control and give yourself a time-limit to work on it, make a mini-plan, and then stop there. For me, I decided to plan out my lunches from Monday-Wednesday. I made my plan, what I needed for groceries and stopped. It was only ONE thing and it wasn’t an immediate need. However it helped me get past my anxiety block.
  • Plan to exercise – One of the things that I know caused the attack was that I didn’t exercise all week. I knew that I should have been and that was making me feel worse. I had no idea the impact that exercise had on me mentally until last week. Plan some sort of activity and if you can’t, if you are feeling anxious, do what you can to get your body moving.
  • Make a realistic to-do list – write out what you KNOW that you can do without pushing yourself. And yes, writing down showering as a to-do, counts!
  • Make a plan for how you are going to help yourself get back on track. For me, I plan how I can work on what I know was a trigger for this and make sure I take care of myself.

Obviously all of these are just suggestions, you have to find what works for you! For me, a mix of all these anxiety tips is what works. Sometimes though what normally works just doesn’t work one time and you have to find another way.

It’s so important to have many ways to deal with anxiety because it means you know yourself and trust me, you will know what’s right. Don’t ignore your gut about what you need. It’s there for a reason.

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