My Makeup Assault Tale

So there I was a few Saturdays ago. I was stalling doing homework and had just finished a workout and thought I would go “explore (read: shop) my new neighborhood. Oak Park Mall is close to me and a brand new Ulta was going in there so I decided to drop by and look for some mascara. 

I walked over to the Benefit area because well, that is my favorite. I’m a sucker for something that actually does what it promises AND had good packaging. So I am minding my own business when an associate asked me if she could help me with anything. Now, I feel like she was supposed to be a cosmetic associate. I question this because one eye was purple with pink eye shadow and the other was green with yellow. I thought perhaps she was going for a bipolar butterfly look. She was nice so I told her what I was looking for. 

“OH! This lipstick would look great on you!”

“Ma’m that is too dark for my skin.”

“No, no. You are much too pale and you need something that makes you stand out. ” 

“Well I have curly hair and that normally does the trick.”


Blazer: Cremiux 
Shirt: J. Crew via Thrifted
Jeans: Aeropostale
Shoes: Fossil 
Belt: Target



So we go on to look at Tarte cosmetics and I actually find a lipstick that I really like. Mission accomplished I thought. New fall lipstick and managed to stall doing homework, sounds like a great time to me. 

“What do you normally do to your eyes?” she asked. 

“I wear mascara and am extremely picky about it. I’m not an eye shadow person.”

I swear to you, before I could blink she started applying this horrific lime green eye shadow (I have no idea where it came from.) and forced my eyelid shut. I felt assaulted. 

“What are you doing?!” I asked all shocked. I had never had someone grab me by my eyelid before so I was a little unsure how to deal with this. She did after all a hold of my eyelid.
“You just needed an extra pop.” The quickly puts more green on my other eye shadow. 

I was debating screaming that I was being assaulted because I felt like it was true but then also too dramatic, even for me. 

“Please stop. I don’t like wearing eye shadow. I really do not feel comfortable. All I want is my stupid lipstick.” I squirmed. I debated calling 911. 

“Ok….just a second.” “I’m done!” “Look at how great you look.”

I looked in the mirror and realized I had green and purple eye shadow both on top of my eye and under and maroon lipstick on. I looked half like a drag queen and half like someone dressing up for the Day of the Dead. Personally I think it leaned more to the drag queen side of things. 

I stared at her. “Are you kidding me? Is this a joke?” 

“No! I thought you looked great!” 

I walked over to the manager. She looked horrified. I walked out with a half price tube of lipstick and about 30 samples. And that is the story of how I was traumatized by Ulta.