Hi, my name is Alissa and I am the queen of over-complicating really simple things in life and freaking out about things that most people would just take at face value. For example, at work this summer, we were allowed to have business casual / casual Fridays and Monday because Kansas is a hot as heck and nothing is comfortable when it’s this hot.
Business casual. Casual. Piece of cake to most people. Right? Okay first off, you cannot tell someone who has been blogging for over four years that you can just wear whatever and expect them to not spend an hour pulling together the perfect outfit that looks like it took no time at all. That’s not how this works. That’s not how any of this works.
There’s a long-standing joke at work that I don’t own pants. I’ve been at my job since the middle of February and haven’t worn pants, even on the days that I would rather die than shave my legs. In fact, it has been said, “I would put $1,000 on Alissa wearing a skirt or dress without having seen her for months.” I’m telling you, it’s a serious thing at work and that got me thinking, “What WOULD happen if I wore pants to work?”
I was at Banana Republic and found these scalloped shorts (which just happen to be the MOST COMFORTABLE shorts ever) and I realized, yep, this is it. Alissa you’re going to do it. Your coworkers are going to see you wear something other than a skirt. I was determined to give the people what they want, after all, that’s like my duty to mankind or whatever.
True to form, I spent an hour putting together an outfit that said, “laid back, business casual/casual, appropriate for work but shows youth and a spunky personality.” An hour. A freaking hour. I got ready, start to finish, to BE IN A WEDDING IN LESS TIME. I felt weird wearing shorts. I told myself to get it together. It’s a freaking pair of shorts.
I walked into work. I got 10 steps in. Then I heard it, “Alissa? Is that you? YOU’RE WEARING SHORTS!” It was 8:04 am and I already regretted my life choices which had led me down the road of trying to give the people what they wanted. The entire day was off. People came to my desk just to see if it was really true that I was wearing shorts. Half of them were in shock. The other half were annoyed that my shorts were still nice and had personality. I thought about making a sign that said, “Yes, it’s true. I am wearing shorts. Yes, they are still dressy. No, I am not more comfortable in them than a dress.” I’m pretty sure work productivity tanked that day. (Never mind that it was Friday)
You know the saying, “I can’t concentrate in flats”? I can’t concentrate in pants or things that restrict my legs. The whole day was off for me. Even other people said me wearing pants made their day off. So many shocked faces as I walked by. I walked right out of work at 5 pm and by 5:12 pm I was back into a dress and everything was right with the world.
And that my friends, is why I don’t wear shorts to work. It’s basically a work hazard because nothing is accomplished.