Have I ever told you about the time that I went to a Royals baseball game during college with a best friend who was trying to figure out if this guy was a player or really into her and I ended up being the third wheel on a date/not date that wouldn’t ever freaking end? Oh I haven’t you say? This is basically my favorite baseball pastime. Let’s go down the memory lane known as this and how a top from Gordman’s reminded me of it.
So it’s one hot spring date in Kansas City and one of my best friends asks me to go to a Royals baseball game with her. And a guy. A cute guy. But a cute guy who was leaving his feelings ambiguous and she needed help figuring out what his deal was. Sometimes he would pay for lunch, sometimes he wouldn’t, sometimes would open the door, sometimes was just a jerk, yadayadadayada. So my very advanced skills of being a third wheel and having no social inhibitions were called upon and I went on the weirdest date/non-date tennis match sort of thing that day.
We get into the car. No doors are opened for anyone. At this point I’m all, “NO doors open = no date.”
I sit in the backseat, like the good third wheel that I am. He casually smacks gum. I casually feel myself already disliking him with every obnoxious gum smack. My mind, “Gum smack = No date.” So far so good. Definitely didn’t like the guy, definitely didn’t have to worry about my friend liking him because I could sway her against him.
But then, he puts his arm on her seat in the car and just like casually touches her shoulder. Date status. Frick. Ugh, I can’t tell if she’s into it because I’m in the backseat. I wonder if this is how kids feel when they are in the backseat and all the good stuff is happening in the front row.
Here’s the rest of the tennis match of date/no date:
- Date – He paid for her ticket
- No date – He asked both of us to pay for parking
- Date – Bought her a drink
- No date – Ate a hot dog and made eye contact while doing so
- Date – Arm around her shoulder
- No date – He smacked more gum
- Date – Smiled, winked, laughed
- No date- Slightly tense argument about long-term life plans
Oh and that guy? Yeah no, he was kicked to the curb on the next date/non-date because well, he decided to dump my friend MID DATE FOR ANOTHER DAT HE JUST PICKED UP AT A BAR. So yeah, bullet dodged.