What You Don’t See

I kind of need to just write what is on my mind. I know it’s super whiney but writing is slightly like therapy. Very inexpensive therapy. Thank you all so much for being patient with my bratty-self. College will soon be over for you too and I will blog about other things! 

What you don’t see in these photos is that I’m already overwhelmed this semester. It’s only been a few weeks and I am constantly on campus for more than 10 hours a day, driving home and then sleeping and waking up to work and then do another 8 hours of classes. 

What you don’t see is that this week I’ve worn yoga pants and KU t-shirts on campus and pretended I wasn’t a blogger. I would slightly die of mortification if you guys saw the state I have been in, this early in the semester. 

What you don’t see is that I feel horrible that I have basically ignored Andrew for a week because I’ve been too tunnel visioned about projects both in school and in my personal life. Andrew has been the reason why I’ve made it through college (well, that and being able to vent to you guys) and I feel horrible that he’s not been my first focus. 

Red Corduroy pants with Leopard and a Blazer
Red Corduroy pants with Leopard and a Blazer

Red Corduroy pants with Leopard and a Blazer

Red Corduroy pants with Leopard and a Blazer

Gold Glitter Loafers
Blazer: Cremiux (similar) (similar)
Belt: Target (similar) (similar)
Pants: Gap (Exact)
Shoes: Target (similar) (similar)
Bag: Tommy Hilfiger (similar) (similar)

What you don’t see in these photos is that I am starting to feel the pressure that I am putting on myself. I feel like I should already have a job and it’s still only February. I feel like I should know exactly what I will do for the rest of my life. No one is really asking me for all of this. I am expecting it of myself and putting all of the pressure on myself. When they say that you are your own worst enemy I’ve found it to be entirely too true of myself. 

I feel like I’m going through a senior year crisis. Did I chose the right major? What if I hate my career? Did I choose the right college? How will I go after the things I want in life? What if I wake up one day and realize I’ve wasted my life? To be honest, it kind of sucks. Like a lot. 

I know that this will soon be over. I know it will. The thing is, I’ve always been really confident so when these types of phases hit me they paralyze me. I know that someday I am going to want to come back to college and would love to do it all over again. I’m just not quite there yet. I’m still dealing with what (and who) I want to be in my 20’s.