10 Things I Loved This December

December is the first month that I felt like I could breathe. I published THE blog post that made me feel like I had finally let go of it all and could finally slightly get back to myself. Actually, not back to myself, I am able to keep exploring and defining who I am now. I had a great conversation with one of the most important people in my life and I said, “I don’t feel like it’s getting back to the old me. I think it’s a completely brand new me.” Ben Rector’s Brand New has been a song I listen to almost daily, it always reminds me of the transformation I’ve been in and encourages me. This lyric sums up how I feel right now, “I feel like for the first time in a long time I am not afraid.”

Colorado Trip

I posted a ton on Instagram about this, but I had the best time visiting my sister and her family in Colorado Springs! I got to spend Thanksgiving flying (I want to make this an annual thing!) and having one of the absolute best dinners of my entire life with them. I came back in early December and kind of wanted more time. Carrie is an incredible chef and I absolutely wish everyone could experience her food and the love she puts into it. I went out there to help with an event they hosted which looked like something straight out of a Hallmark movie! In fact, I got a lot of DMs asking if it was a set of a movie. I got to shoot a ton of content that I am excited to share now and in January. I flew home exhausted and with a full heart. It was exactly the trip that I needed!

Fashion and Beauty

December was kind of a light month for purchases as I mostly focused on gifts for others (okay and I got a few things for myself). Here’s some of my favorite items:

• This updated version of my favorite tote bag of all time. I was looking for the right time to make this purchase and I snagged it on Cyber Monday but it is worth every freaking cent. You can also do a different strap now! I cannot say who, but someone else in my life will be getting it in this color as well.
• These headbands are a lifesaver for being lazy and also makes great gifts! Super cheap and SO MANY COLORS!
• If you are looking for an amazing tinted moisturizer that also has SPF I swear to God you have got to get this! I rarely, rarely wear it but when I do, I LOVE it! With winter being here I’m a little more red than usual so I use it on those days. (It looks amazing using this foolproof tool!)
• Incredibly boring but totally useful things: A small but mighty humidifier (keep your skin AND plants from being so dry), this bathmat runner actually kind of rocks and
• I rented this top and this top and I really wish I wouldn’t have loved them so much. I started my RTR again (see here) and these two items were on my wishlist so it was great to rent to see if I loved them!
• Loft had the cutest stuff this season! I love this, this (love a good back detail) and this! Plus I got these amazing ponte pants that I live in on lazy days!
• Bonus: You guys LOVED these items from Target. Here’s the jumpsuit and here’s the dress I wore that you said I should get.

Therapy

I introduced my therapist to the blog this month so I guess that means we’re official? I had such good therapy sessions that really helped me focus on losing the shell of the version of me I was before and being more intentional. “How do you want your eggs? (this scene) means so much to me right now as I figure out how I want my “eggs” in every aspect of my life. (Plus I had never seen Runaway Bride which was *almost* a little too close to home at this point in my life.) How do I want my eggs independent of who I’m with? It also reminds me of the Ann Perkins scene from Parks and Recreation where she sells off every “phase” of what she was depending on who she was with.

Just Being More Happy

Ironically, the holiday season depresses me for various reasons so I anticipated being sad this month, but instead it was a continued trajectory of feeling happy and fulfilled. I was able to see people, work hard at both my ADT role and my freelance and saw success on all of these aspects.

This month I said the words, “I don’t have that perspective. I don’t have my happy ending, but I do have this, I have the version of Alissa I really like.” and I’ve never had that resonate in a true way before. I would fight it in any way possible because I didn’t think I was worthy of being happy with myself. I think that it’s starting to physically show on me that I have accepted it.

I hope you all have a wonderful holiday! Thank you for being the truly best part of my year. It’s been a ride and I know it will continue to be, but it’s been amazing to have you by my side.