Embracing Being Single During the Holidays

There’s something about being single during the holiday season that makes you feel like there’s something wrong with you even when you feel fine.

I’m single during the holidays for the first time in years (life update). I used to be a big holiday person but the last few years I haven’t felt the holiday spirit for one reason or another. This year though, it has been a completely different feeling. One that feels like sometimes you are being sucker-punched with memories or dreams of what you thought would happen or you are an absolute high because you don’t have a partner to say that Love, Actually isn’t a good movie and you can watch it alone.

Set Your Conversation Boundaries

Being single during the holidays brings up all sorts of questions. What happened? Who are you seeing now? Well you know, I knew it wasn’t going to last, etc. I’ve talked to several other women who were in similar situations to mine and they literally just sent a group text saying, “I broke up. I don’t want to talk about it, please respect that.” There’s nothing wrong with expressing that you aren’t ready to talk. Or you may never be ready to and that is a boundary you have. While on the back-end of things it’s a very heavy emotional lift to set those boundaries, you will be thankful you did when you can arrive and know that your relationship is off limit. If they chose not to respect that, well, a firm, “I said I wasn’t going to discuss and I’d like that to be respected.” will suffice to shut it down.

Choose Where Your Energy Goes

I love my family, but at one point we had six Christmas related events in one week and I said, “We don’t even have anything to talk about because we haven’t been apart enough to have had anything happen.” There’s so much FOMO happening in November-December. It’s easy to feel compelled to attend every single thing and drain yourself so much you can’t be present for what you want to be. This year, choose where you want your energy to go. What brings you joy? What is an obligation that drains you? You’re dependent on you. Being single during the holidays means that you get to decide where your energy goes and that’s a rare thing.

Do Something New, Alone

I can’t this year due to an obligation (that DOES give me energy), but next Christmas I plan on traveling abroad. If I was able to this year, I would go to New York because even on Christmas the hustle and bustle is happening. I’ve been there before at Christmas and it’s beautiful and there’s so many things that you can do, alone without it feeling like you’re missing a partner. (Side note: this can be anything, it’s not just this. Being single in no way limits you in what you can do.) How fun is it that you can do ANYTHING you want to do this holiday? No other person’s family to think about. You can choose to do anything you want! How cool is that?

Remind Yourself of How Much You’ve Grown

When you’re single during the holidays, you tend to focus on the unknown that is before you. What are the questions I will get? Ugh, why am I not as far along as (cousin name)? My therapist made me list out all the ways I’ve grown since my relationship ended and it really shifted my focus. Yes, I could have been celebrating our first married Christmas together, but that wasn’t what was right for me. It’s okay to mourn that loss of an idea but still be able to think about how much you’ve grown because that isn’t happening.

Be Real About Where You Are

One of the nicest moments recently was when my sister asked me how I am feeling about the holidays. It struck me how nice that was instead of assuming I would be sad about being single during the holidays. I was real and I said that I don’t really look forward to this time of year, but I’m not dreading it. It set the stage for a really open conversation with her about how she feels (and she’s married with kids) about it. Be real with people when you are struggling, no one can try to help if they don’t know.

There’s a lot of other articles about being single during the holidays so there’s lots of help to find what works! You and I are not alone, millions of us are single this season and there’s no reason that needs to define us. Find what gives you energy and what makes you happy this holiday season and embrace (and celebrate!) where you are!