When You’re Afraid of Writing the Next Chapter

I cannot believe the year that 2018 was. I entered it afraid I couldn’t top 26 and once again, I’m not sure I can top 27. Just kidding, I’m getting married this year so that’s going to be hard to top. I got a promotion and am starting 2018 in a brand new role that I get to develop and make my own. We got engaged. I hosted the first ever Maggie Sottero Pop-Up event with Dress Gallery in Wichita which has let to the wonderful story of my wedding dress. I really blossomed into being the best version of myself I think that I have ever experienced.

And like clockwork, I’m worried and excited by the chance to have a brand new chapter in my life. So many beautiful blank pages that I have absolutely no idea what to make the first few about. What is the right first move? Is the fear of fear paralyzing me from being all I can be?

I know that my new role is right for me. It’s literally what my passion projects are always about. So why do I feel some hesitation? Is it because I’m still working on some of the things I’m comfortable with but I know I have outgrown, but my mind knows it’s comfortable so I cling to that? In an honest moment I am afraid of starting. But then, I think of this quote that got me through a tough period.

“What if I fall? Oh, but my darling, what if you fly?”
– Erin Hanson

By the end of the year I’m going to be married and have a new team working with me. As well as a million other things I don’t know about I’m sure or couldn’t even dream of. I’m so excited about those unknown things because I couldn’t have even dreamed of how great 27 was going to be even if I had control of it. It’s all so fresh and so new and I have to take that and make it great.

Sometimes I worry about writing these posts. I know that people from work read them and I never want them to doubt my ability. I just need these really honest moments with myself. A place to be able to say I have no idea what I’m going to do and right now I’m not even sure how to figure it out but I know that I am GOING to figure it out. But I know that quite frankly, so many people believe and see so much more in me than I do in myself. Maybe a sad statement, but the truth. People are much kinder to me than I am to myself.

I just know that I am so excited for this next chapter, but I don’t quite know how to write the first few pages. And honestly? I think that a lot of us feel this way at the beginning of every year. So much pressure to define the year within the first few days. Everyone is resolving to change who they are yet not letting life tell you where you need to be, which is 100% probably better for you than where you want yourself to be, because you need to be there for a greater purpose. I just want you to feel okay if you aren’t sure how to write those first few days, weeks or literally, words.